“Hey Cece.” Cecelia knew exactly who it was without even turning around. “Hello, Isabelle. How are you doing today,” she inquired. Cece was a nickname her mother had given her, and her family had always used, but after their death, Cecelia stopped using the nickname, and she never got close enough to anyone for them to feel like they could give her a nickname. But, Isabelle was one of those woman who was friends with everyone. Isabelle was one of the nurses at the hospital, and everyone adored her especially her patients. “I’m doing super. I just got done talking to Jona. Did you know she is an artist who has had her work featured worldwide. Isn’t that awesome? How are you doing,” asked Isabelle. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” Isabelle laughed which caused Cecelia to look over at her in surprise. What was so funny? And, as if in answer to her unspoken question, Isabelle responded. “You always say that. Almost like a robot,” she giggled. Obviously finding that thought funny. “Well, what else am I supposed to say then,” questioned Cecelia. “Well, you could actually say the truth for once. You could say what you did last night. You know just something about yourself.” Isabelle was looking directly at her now making Cecelia feel like she was being interrogated or something. Cecelia sighed, “Alright, well I read a little last night and watched an episode or two of Buffy before going to bed. Does that work?” Isabelle jumped up then threw her arms around Cecelia all while squealing. “Oh, I’m going to tell everyone. They won’t believe me. That’s awesome. I love Buffy too. Which one did you watch? What did you read? Oh, I have to tell the girls” then off she went down the hallway. Cecelia just stood there momentarily stunned then shook her head before resuming her work.
After some more reading and searching, she got up and stretched then went to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for work. She worked more than she was home which is probably why her place was always tidy that and she had a cleaning service come in twice a week to do her laundry, dishes, and tidy up. She was definitely a classic case of a work-a-holic, but most doctors she knew were. She didn’t really have time for friends or animals. Besides, in her experience, it was better not to get attached to anything or anyone. But as she looked in the mirror at herself, sometimes she wondered if that was just a lie she told herself. Sometimes, she missed the laughter of family. The closeness that came from knowing someone would always be there for you. Shaking her head, no it was better this way. No attachments, no pain.
After her shower, she put her clothes on and made sure everyone she needed was in her backpack. She might be there for a while. She grabbed her bike and went down the elevator nonchalantly saying goodbye to the doorman who held the door open for her. Routine, everything was a routine. She jumped on her bike and off she went. She didn’t live very far from the hospital, so riding her bike there wasn’t such a big deal. Besides, in this city, it was an easier form of transportation, because she could just zoom between traffic. After securing her bicycle to its normal and secure location, she went into the hospital and to the locker room where she kept her bag and an extra pair of clothes just in case. Getting in her scrubs, she went right to work. There was always plenty to do.
After pouring herself a cup of coffee, she sat down at her computer. As the screen came to life, she could see the last thing she had searched on there. What happens to us when we die? She got asked that all the time whether by her patients, their families, or even the staff. Who knows why they thought she knew the answer to that? Sure, she had seen a lot of death and had saved many from that fate, but she was no closer to understanding that than anyone else. It seemed everyone had a different opinion about it. Some people believe that nothing would happen when they died that they would simply not exist anymore. Some people believe that they would be reborn into another person, an animal or something else. Some people believe that they would go to heaven or hell depending on whether they were good or bad. There were so many different ideas and opinions that one would never be able to list them all.
Hmmm, what’s this article? She clicked on one of the articles from the search result. It was about a study done on people who had life after death experiences to discover whether there were any similarities. This study did show some patterns in life after death experiences, but there certainly was not enough evidence to prove beyond a doubt that there was life after death. It is amazing how much technology has allowed us to learn about science, the universe, and the human body, but there were some things that not even technology has been able to determine. Many of the patients that she had resuscitated after they had technically died told her about what they saw or heard. She didn’t question that they had thought those things had happened, but she did question whether it was really heaven or some form of life after death. She did believe that something happens after we die, because it was too depressing to consider that this was it that her mother and those she had loved were just gone. Perhaps one day, someone will find a way to answer this question without having to die.
Thinking about Dr. Brown, she couldn’t help but remember her recurring nightmare. The nightmares were different and yet they were very similar. Dr. Brown attributed them to her traumatic past, and he was probably right. Her father had been a drunk and verbally abusive to both her and her mother although her mother took the brunt of it while she hid in her bathroom trying not to hear. One night, the yelling was really bad, so she ran down there to try to stop them. She found her father on top of her mother beating her up. Before she knew it, she had jumped on top of her father’s back trying to pull him off or at the very least distract him. Her father then threw her to the ground and turned around. She had not known if he would hit her as well, but he turned and left the house. The very next day our bags were packed, and her and her mother moved in with her mother’s parents.
For a time, she was happy and had family around. She felt safe. For her 8th birthday, a huge party was thrown with all sorts of family and friends. Everyone was having such a fun time then her father showed up. He started yelling and screaming. She ran into the house and hid in the basement then she heard gun shots and screaming. Cecelia looked out the little window that looked into the backyard and saw people running then falling to the ground. When she saw her father, she ran into one of the closets and hid and did not come out for a long time. Not even when she no longer heard screams or gunshots, or when she heard sirens and people calling out for survivors. It might have been only hours or days until someone finally found her. They said she was in shock. If that was the case, then she was still in shock to this day. Some have said that her father had looked for her to try to kill her, but when he heard the sirens, he gave up and shot himself. There was no note, no reason for why he did this.
Unfortunately, there are some things that would never have an explanation, and the survivors of such horror just had to find a way to move on. Something, she was still trying to do. Looking into the world’s past was a lot easier than looking into her past. Perhaps, it had more to do with the fact that the world, like her, was also imperfect with scars. Yet, there was still hope. With every new discovery, a little more was learned about the worlds past then perhaps this knowledge could be used to ensure that the past does not repeat itself, so the world can heal at last or at least not get any new wounds. She was not a psychiatrist, but she certainly has seen enough of them in her life that she was starting to dissect things the way they do. Just then the coffee maker beeped. Ahh, her coffee was ready. It would help push away the dark thoughts.
Alone, in the dark, hiding. No, no, please don’t let them find me. Someone was looking for her. Did they want to hurt her? She didn’t know, so she stayed still, quiet hoping that they would never find her. Cecelia awoke with a start.
The nightmare again, she thought. She curled her legs up to her chest waiting for her body to stop shaking. Closing her eyes she counted to herself. One, two, three breathe. Eventually, she got up and went to the bathroom to splash some water on her face hoping that it would help clear her mind. Ahh, she looked horrible. Like she had seen a ghost, and in a way, she had. Back in her room, she glanced over at the alarm clock; it was only 2:15 a.m. She knew from experience that she would not be able to get back to sleep, so she went to the kitchen to make some coffee. Maybe, it would help revive her. She certainly would not want to go to work in a few hours feeling the way she did now.
Cecelia worked at a hospital in New York City as a trauma surgeon. Some might be daunted by living in a big city and working in a trauma center in the middle of the Big Apple, but she had grown up here. This was her home, and she wanted to do whatever she could to help its people even if it meant only saving one person. Of course, it was never easy having to deal with the ones she couldn’t save, but she had firsthand experience with the crap that life would throw her way. To help her deal with the difficulties of her job as well as her life, she found it easier to just close herself off to the world. Of course, she also went to see her therapist, Dr. Brown. He was an old goat, but he was the closest thing she had to family now. When she was a child she had been assigned to his office. They both had been much younger then, and as she grew up, he got more clients, but he always kept space and time available for her.
I am P.S. Arabella, and I am working on writing my first book which I am giving the title of Showing Me the Way and falls under the Science Fiction genre. I have decided that while I am learning how to write this book that I want to allow people to follow me on this new adventure. I have loved writing, since I was a little girl, but the only writing I have done is writing poems and school papers. I have always been told that I have a way with words. I know that not everyone who is good at writing can write a good book, but you don’t know until you try.
Please understand that what I will be posting is very much a rough, rough draft, so it will probably be full of mistakes and will change before I finish and publish it. Feel free to comment on anything including those mistakes, the only way I will know whether I am doing something right or wrong is if I learn about it. I have also created a Youtube channel which offers more insight into me, my book, and books I read. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWZTAtP6zNPR8PDaOB8cU7Q
Book Synopsis: Cecelia Montez has not had an easy life, but things are finally working out for her when an unexpected event changes everything. Now, she will have to face new worlds that threaten to test her limits of survival. She will have to decide whether to continue to hide in the dark where she feels safe or finally face her fears and let the light show her the way to live free?
I look forward to sharing my journey and my first book with you!!!